I’m a Jack of all Trades – My wings have spread!

I always worry that my mom thinks I’m capricious. That in my journey in finding myself, the things I’ve needed along the way for creativity were lost or unused. I kept thinking there was just one outlet, one form of art, that I had to pinpoint it and use only it or mostly it. Recently I realized something though. I am every form of art. My obsession with computers and programming is only one thing, as is visual art in it’s various mediums, as is the written word, as is my attraction to Do It Yourself (DIY) projects, and I’m lucky to have an amazing capacity to learn new things both quickly and in many areas. Now this makes me look capricious, but I never run out of love for the things I’m not currently doing. I have so many ideas, I don’t have enough time. Over the past year, I’ve been gathering all the tools I need to spread my wings. I’m almost done gathering, and I’ve got more ideas than I know what to do with. I’m so lucky to have all these wonderful things to help express myself. I have ideas for sewing, I want to sew curtains for my room, patchworky ones. They won’t cost much and they will be more original than anything you can buy at the store for twice as much. I have a digital camera that I’m in love with, it’s in perfect harmony with my BELOVED laptop, and I have found the most willing subject that needs to know there is beauty in her – me. I am my own art, I take pictures of me and I fuck with them, but only artistically, never to change anything aesthetic, and it makes me feel better about myself. I got a cheap but functional webcam that I tape myself venting and I can see myself on the computer screen as I’m doing it and I feel better, as if I have just cried on someone’s shoulder, and again it’s ME. There’s gonna be a rainy day soon, when it gets a little cooler out and the leaves start to fall, that I am going to sit on my back porch and learn to fucking knit. And I’m going to make something that no one could get practical use of. And I’m going to cherish it. I’m going to stop viewing my bizarre sexual orientation as a curse and instead pay homage to the female form as I see most fit – sketching. I used to draw women all the time, not in any crude way, but in a way that I was quietly worshiping an unknown goddess. When no one’s around I am going to play my flute more, and belly dance even if people are around. Fuck em. The only things left on my seemingly endless list are 3 things, 2 that I’ve wanted for many years and 1 that I wish I didn’t have to buy. The two- a camcorder. My friend Erik and I were discussing all these ideas we’ve had for short films and he views things like I do, and I’ve never done any kind of collaboration, but I would with him. I want to film the things in life nobody pays attention to and I want to make subtle videos of political things. I have this idea of dressing up in a hospital gown, wearing a Nixon mask and combat boots, and being filmed walking up hills. It’s the futility of politics… or is it? I love that idea, came up with it all on my own. It’s patented. There is Youtube.com, I can post my videos there and get feedback and more. People can actually get somewhere these days with sites like that. It’s amazing! Second is an acoustic guitar, but that’s not UTTERLY necessary yet. Third I want to get Justin a cheap printer so I can move mine in here and make more art without having to go in there and unplug it. I’ve been learning about computer programming and the more I learn the more it makes sense to me. I genuinely enjoy it, I think it’s fun figuring out problems like that. And THAT is how I will make a living. I always had it wrong all these years. EPIPHANY: I don’t need to sacrifice my life to a job I’ll hate and try to make art on the side, or surrender my funds to be a starving artist. I can make really good money programming, which I like, and then have a load of spare time to make my art. That is how I want to live my life, I’ve never been so clear. I don’t need to revise this and weigh it out because that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I feel like I’ve found a place in the world, no matter how much shit happens, I think I am getting to know who I am. I kind of like me.

Am I flying yet? I can’t wait!

The tools for my trade… or whatever that phrase is:

Goodnight!!!

-kayt

~ by jemenoie on September 11, 2007.